change

It's been a while. A long while. Sometimes life takes over and you don't even have time to breathe. The last little chunk of my life has been one of those times, but here I am once again. For some reason I always come back to this blog—some reason I am completely unaware of at the moment. However, I can only hope that that reason will be revealed to me. Until then, I'm just gonna keep on writing.

My freshman year of college is over. O V E R. What in the world. I feel like graduation was an hour ago and my first day of high school was a yesterday. How am I already 1/4 of the way done with my undergrad at UTK? It absolutely baffles me, but it's beautiful. Watching myself grow as a person is just incredible to me. I am not the same little girl who was a Blue Raider for 4 years of her life, though I WILL be a Blue Raider for the rest of my life. College just..changes you.

Now, I'm aware of the subjectivity that surrounds the word 'change.' Sure, maybe I've gained 25 pounds and have a few more novels under my belt, but I promise that I'm so different. I have a totally different outlook on life. I have never been 'closed minded' exactly...but I've never been one to speak up about my beliefs. I was raised in the Catholic church, and I never really questioned my faith whatsoever. Now, I question everything. I love everyone—black, white, gay, straight, bisexual...everyone. And I'm not afraid to stick up for people who are singled out, because I firmly believe that everyone deserves the exact same respect. If you are living, breathing, have flesh, whatever...you deserve the EXACT same respect that I do. Not only that, but my religion has grown as well. I don't really agree with the Catholic beliefs that I was raised under. I still affiliate myself with the Christian faith, but I have beliefs that people are often times afraid of. At least I think they're afraid, because I can't think of any reason that people would tell me I'm wrong as much as they do. I respect ALL faiths. I think my God, your God, other gods/goddesses/higher beings are more focused on what we do not what we say. And I think that if you're living your life in such a way that betters you and those around you, then you're doing exactly what you're meant to do. Never again will I ever discourage someone out of their beliefs, because I know they're what truly form a person.

I think the biggest change that has come upon me while at UTK is that I now know what I'm meant to do. I'm meant to make an impact. Wow, yeah, I know that's vague! But, it's true. To be more specific, I'm meant to teach. I know that. Knowledge is the gateway to everything. It is the most powerful tool you will ever possess. With knowledge, you can do anything. I've thought that college teaching is the place for me, but that poses a special challenge. How do you impact those that are on a similar intellectual level? Those that are not very...receptive? It's tricky. But I think that's where I'm meant to be. And if not, then I'm sure I'll find my place! My English literature major paired with my Women's Studies/Religious Studies double minor should be the perfect route for me to encourage others to develop their own beliefs and act upon those. But, most importantly, I want to teach them to not be ashamed of what they believe! It is no less worthy than the Jew, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, or any other person down the street.

The word that sums up my change is 'accepting.' I'm accepting in ways I've never thought possible. I've seen more different people in a semester than some people will encounter throughout all of their life. I've become more comfortable in my own self and my own beliefs, and I know I'm going to change the world some day. If I can impact just one individual I'll have done my duty. Hopefully one day everyone will love each other as I do.

I hope that 'change' has more of a meaning now than ever before. I'm proud of the person I've become, and I hope that I can make others proud as well.

xoxo, Liv

self in the raw

I wrote this really awesome, deep poem for my honors english class. I thought I would share.

Who are you when nobody is around?

Who am I without the influence of you? Or you? Or you?

Self can easily be defined as a social construct if that is what you make of it.

However, nobody can really define how you define who you are.

That’s a big problem these days—everyone thinks they can control you. Use their hands to mold you into something you’re not.

The even bigger problem is that you let them.

“But don’t your friends and family define you?” Undeniably so.

But so does a multitude of other things.

The flower soaking up the sun reminds me that I am a vessel.

A vessel for beauty, warmth, and simplicity.

A vessel to help others—a flower can pollinate many other flowers; I can pollinate my world.

The wind defines my power.

How can something so silent be so big?

It reminds me that silence is golden—I can move more mountains with my actions than with my outward appearance.

The sunset.

So much beauty to span as far as the eye can see.

A blend of different colors; red, orange, hot pink.

The sunset is kind of a blanket of imperfections. It is never concrete. Always changing—no 2 sunsets are the same.

However, everyone notices its beauty, and nobody labels it as imperfect.

I am beautiful blanket of imperfections as well.

The words of others.

Though not my own, I can shape them.

I can mold them into what I need to hear.

No two people can interpret something the exact same way.

Words are a beautiful thing and are easily taken for granted.

Much like myself.

My thoughts in this natural, empty place define me more than anything.

Though absent of people, this place is booming with life.

Who do you want to be when nobody is around? There is nobody to impress. Nobody to live up to.

I want to be aware.

Aware of my potential.

Aware of my beauty.

Aware of my potential impact on the world.

Inspiration often comes to those who wait in a quiet place.

You may define yourself by the presence of others.

That may be your self.

My self, however, is quite the contrary.

All of the abstract.

The subjective.

The intangible.

The colors, shapes, forms of art.

Those are what make me my self.

My self in the raw.

I have never been so impressed with a piece of my poetry before. Sometimes classes really do teach you things about your self that you never realized. :)

xoxo, Liv