College. That one, miniscule word scares the absolute daylights out of me.
It's been months since I've blogged. It's been about a month since I've been in my new world. Something's gotta change though, so I'm going to try to visit this on a more regular basis. It's such a fantastic outlet for thoughts and feelings that have been building upon each other to the point where my insides probably look like the house of a hoarder. We'll say I'm a thought hoarder.
As of today, my major is Nuclear Engineering. As of today, I've also decided that it will not be my major for much longer. Engineering is NOT for me. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that I've wasted a semester in something that's making me so miserable. It isn't because I can't handle it; I'm a smart cookie. But I can't stand it. Doing math everyday is not my thing.
The people in engineering are not like me. One of my biggest struggles so far has been that I haven't really made many friends. It isn't because I'm an antisocial freak or a wallflower or anything of the sort. I truly believe its because of my major. I just don't click with anything in that department. It's not my calling. It's certainly not what I'm meant to spend the rest of my life doing.
My conclusion is that I have to change my major. I have a passion for words. I have a passion for great literature. I have a passion for the Middle East. It's a little strange how I had to come about my passion by realizing what WASN'T my passion, but I'm glad I got there. I just took the scenic route. I really want to be an English major. I know that jobs aren't overflowing in that department, especially well paying ones, but it will make me happy. And regardless of the amount of money I have in my bank account, if I'm miserable every day it isn't worth it. I would love to teach at a collegiate or upper high school level. I want to be able to share my passion with people who have the potential to be changed by it. Eventually I would love to follow in the footsteps of one of my great role models and create a curriculum for a special class that emphasizes something I'm super passionate about. I want to teach something along the lines of Middle Eastern studies or middle eastern literature. The Middle East fascinates me so much and I would love to open that realm for people who could potentially share my fascination.
I've pretty much gone from one end of the job spectrum to the other in less than a month. I feel like maybe I'm insane or confused or insanely confused, but at least I can be happy. I just have to get through this semester of engineering classes. It's really hard for me and I wish there was an easy way out now rather than having to wait, but there's not. Oh well.
You live and you learn. And if I've learned one thing, it's this: do what YOU want and not what everyone else wants you to do. Go with your gut feeling and embrace your passion. If you don't embrace that passion, then who will? How many people are missing out on the opportunity to learn something great because the person who was passionate about it chose money instead? Or was too afraid that they would never succeed? I'm glad that I came to that realization. Hopefully all the pieces of my jigsaw puzzle of life will fall into place, and everyone else's will too.
Happy college, y'all!
xoxo, Liv
