life of a doormat

Tonight I did something stupid.

It wasn't really something extreme, and it probably doesn't even matter in the huge scheme of life, but I feel worthless.

I'm not even going to really go into detail, but have you ever sent a text message and then just thought, "Why did I send that?"...yeah, I was living that life.

I didn't even have bad intentions..I promise. And I didn't come out of it doing anything bad either, so don't get the wrong idea! I didn't say anything that wasn't true or say anything that was mean, and I wasn't unfaithful by any means! But, I did say what was on my mind. And it probably should have stayed on my mind..

That's the thing about me: most things that are on my mind should stay there..and for good reason! Not because they're mean, but they usually dig a hole. The only thing I wanted to do tonight was make peace. I didn't want to create a friendship. I didn't want someone to think I was crawling back to them. I didn't want to make someone feel worthless. I just wanted peace. I wanted to gain respect from someone that I thought owed me some respect. I guess he doesn't really owe me anything though. And he had no problem telling me that...well, that and other things I didn't really want to hear.

Break-ups are never fun y'all. I really just wanted to have a civil aura between me and a certain person. But, that will apparently never be achieved. Instead, I will continue to be a "doormat" as he called me, and move on with my life. You know why I'll move on? Because I'm happy.

I'm the type of person that hates negativity. If I think that someone thinks poorly of me, I will do what I can to change that, regardless of who the person is. I want people to think good things about me, because I always try hard. I always try to be a good, loving person. If anyone sees anything but that...there's a problem. And there WAS a problem.

Did I fix it? No.

Did I try? Yes.

And that's all that matters. My part is done, and I know that I did what I could to be the caring person that I truly am.

Thankfully I have my sweet boy, Patrick, to lift my spirits and remind me of the person I truly am. Everyone needs someone to bring out the best in them.

xoxo, Liv