nash-vegas, we love ya!

Traveling is by far one of my favorite things to do. However, travel as a college kid is H-A-R-D hard. Mostly because we have no money. Because we're in college. Anyhow, I'm thankful for the trip that Patrick and I got to take to Nash-vegas!

Though in our home state of Tennessee, Nashville was a beautiful little getaway. We had the opportunity to stay with our friends Paige and Cody. Cody is Patrick's roommate, and Paige is my future roommate. They just so happen to be dating which makes things perfect. They welcomed us into their homes, and we had a fantastic few days!

Day 1:
We arrived mid-afternoon at Cody's house. We were met there by him and Paige, and we got to meet Cody's mom! From there we headed to Paige's place and made homemade pizzas. We concocted several different things, and they were all delicious! After our lovely homemade dinner we headed to Climb Nashville. I wasn't too ecstatic about climbing because I'm a weakling, but I had a blast! There were walls that had all different difficulty levels, along with bouldering walls and more difficult things! You had a harness and whatnot as well, so I didn't feel like I was fighting death the entire time.
Here is a glimpse of Climb Nashville:

After climbing we went back to Paige's and played hours worth of Mario Kart. It was a good little first day.

Day 2:

We woke up kind of late, but we got the day started. We headed over to Cody's for lunch and had some delicious leftovers. After eating we headed to the city. We walked around and saw a lot of the local Nashville spots. We went into a boot store and the Preds shop. After that we walked to the river and took a few pictures with the strip behind us. 

Here is the batman building:

The four of us; Patrick and I:

After that we went and enjoyed some appetizers at a place called Demos'. Patrick and I got some cheesy garlic bread, and Paige and Cody got some soup. And of course we both devoured their famous rolls. After enjoying appetizers at Demos' we headed across Nashville to enjoy dinner at a place called Maggianos. It was so delicious, and we made it out of there only spending $2.25 for the four of us! We did pretty good. 

Here's a cute couple pic of Maggianos:

After all of our good eating, we headed back to Paige's and played some more games on the Wii and watched a movie. Our time was flying by. 

Day 3:

Our third day was just a free day. Cody and Patrick joined us fairly early, and we just hung around Paige's. We had some leftovers for lunch, and then maximized our laziness. We played Volopoly, but didn't finish. I was of course coming in last place. Losing games is my specialty! Before we could finish we had to go to dinner at Cody's house. His mom made delicious turkey enchiladas. After dinner we headed to the Grand Ol' Opry to see the lights. They were incredible. 

Here is my photo documentation of all of its wonder:

I may be biased, but this one's my favorite: 

After exploring, we went back to Cody's and played Life. I almost won, but Paige beat me out. Then we went back to Paige and finished our game of Monopoly. Cody killed everyone. We then played some more Mario Kart, but we were all exhausted. 

Day 4:

The fourth day wasn't really a full day. We got to explore the Bass Pro shop (mostly for Patrick) and then ate lunch at Rainforest Cafe (mostly for me). The food at Rainforest is always good, and it makes me feel like a kid to go eat there! It was so great. Then we said our goodbyes and parted ways. 

I'm so glad that Patrick and I have such amazing friends, and that we were able to invade their area for a little bit! It was so much fun and was the perfect little getaway. Thanks, Cody and Paige, for allowing us to come! 

And, see ya later Nashville! We can't wait to come back. 

xoxo, Liv

first semester: check!

So, the last month has been so hectic. I haven't had time to blog at all, which is sad. Every time I go to write a new post, I figure out how much I love it. After that, I vow to write religiously. However, every time I don't. I want this time to be different, but who knows if it actually will be.

This post is going to be a jumbled mess of everything. But that's okay. My life is also a sort of jumbled mess, so I'm sure this will depict my life pretty accurately. Let's reflect on the past semester.

I started out with a rough time. I'm not going to go into detail about it, because that's way too much for me to go into AGAIN, and I've realized that nobody actually cares.. I was involved in engineering (blech) and band (even more blech). But, some good things came out of it! I made an amazing friend in band. Her name is Melanie. I don't know if I've talked about her yet, but I'm so thankful for her! I wouldn't have gotten through any of band if it wasn't for her. We are very similar yet very different. We shared one important thing though: we both hated band. Luckily, even with band being over, we still talk! And I think we'll continue to talk, because she's a quality gal. 

Here's Mel and I.

Through all of the stress and craziness of being an engineering major involved in the biggest student organization on campus, I still managed to make some time for fun! I got to attend my first college sporting event as something besides a bando. Unfortunately, it wasn't football. However, it was basketball, which is almost as fun as football! (And a lot shorter which, if you ask me, is a massive plus.) I had many-a-nights spent out at cereal bar (better known as The Knoxville Pearl which is a hole in the wall that's TOTALLY worth going to if you're in the area for more than a day) and took my fair share of trips to Ritas and Coolato Gelato (both quality dessert places). I got to experience Knoxville's great eateries and burn some calories at the infamous Jump Jam. I also took some time to explore the surrounding mountains by going hiking with my darling and two of our friends! I know I spent a great amount of time unnecessarily complaining about this semester, but it was actually fun. 

Basketball pictures

Cereal bar

Hiking to Chimney Tops 

Along with doing fun things, and meeting Melanie, I've also made some more quality friendships. Some friendships have fallen apart, but only for others to fall into place. I've met some sweet girls who were willing to take me in and allow me to live with them next year! It was iffy, especially since I only knew one of them, Paige, at first. However, upon meeting the second, Grace, I knew things were going to work perfectly! I don't really know the third, Holly, as well, but from what I've seen she's a sweetheart. No girls can get along 100% of the time, but I don't foresee any issues. They're beautiful girls with beautiful personalities. They're a positive influence on me and help bring me up, even if they don't see it. I've finally learned to surround myself with positive people. You just feel better about yourself and life when you go about it with a positive outlook and have people to build you up. I think meeting them is what I was most thankful for this semester. I wish it would've happened earlier rather than later, but I suppose everything happens at a certain time for a certain reason, and I'm not going to question it. God put me, and them, there for a reason. 

Here's a 'Merry Christmas' photo from Paige, Grace, and I

Although not in grave detail, this is a pretty good timeline of my semester. It has definitely come to a close, and I've never been happier. I made good grades, pulling out an A- in engineering, which I NEVER thought I would do. Complaints have been common, but overall I'm thankful for the first semester that I had. All of the challenges and difficulties I faced helped shape me into the individual I am now. I've learned what (and who) is really important in my life. I've discontinued trying to be someone I'm not, and I've just accepted the fact that maybe not everyone is going to like who I'm meant to be. And that's okay. I may not have been happy 100% of the time, but through the tears I've bettered myself. And I wouldn't change a single thing. 

xoxo, 

Liv

college changes you

Every student who is approaching their college career has heard people say, "college changes you." If you are anything like me, you had no problem saying that you were never going to change. When you're just so sure of yourself, why in the world would you ever allow something like college to change you? Looking back, I was wrong. And if you're saying that now, you're wrong too. You will change. I'm a walking example of the fact that college DOES change even the stubborn-est of individuals.

A couple of days ago, I was freezing my ass off walking around campus in my boyfriend's oversized Brazil quarter-zip. I had leftover curls in my hair and the entire sidewalk I was on was practically deserted. It's times like those when I allow my mind to wander. Sometimes that's bad, but I felt like this time it made sense. I began to play through my life before college and compare it to the first semester of college that I am (almost) done enduring. It was odd.

Before college, I cared. A lot. About myself, about others, about things that didn't need to be cared for. Even though I enjoyed to be lazily dressed and didn't always dress to the nines, I cared about my appearance quite a bit. I cared about what other people thought about me. I cared that my grades were nothing but perfection, and anything less than an A was not satisfactory in my book. I payed a lot of attention to others. I looked at how they were dressed (bad, I know), how they looked (even worse, sorry), and their personalities. I wanted everyone to like me. I needed the approval of everyone around me. In other words, I spent the first 18 years of my life working SO hard to impress and gain approval of people that would vanish from my life in a matter of months.

Now, as the first semester of my college career comes to a close, I'm a totally different Olivia. I feel foreign in my own world, but it's not such a bad thing. I've realized that sometimes it takes (what seems like) your whole world crashing down around you to realize your fatal flaws. Now, I don't care so much about what I wear. I'm a college kid, so I do wear norts/leggings and a t-shirt everyday, but even when I wear "normal clothing" it's comfy and not uber-expensive. I've become familiar with sale racks, thrift shops, and the saying "I don't have the money for that". And, that's okay. I'm okay with that. It's making me appreciate the things I DO have that so many others don't. I've come to realize that having a few good friends is worth more than having everyone in the world love you. I've lost a few friends in messy ways recently, but I couldn't be happier with the amazing individuals I have in my life. They bring me up constantly and keep me laughing. Although grades don't mean everything to me anymore (maybe this is a new flaw?), I'm still determined to keep them where they need to be. Oh, and most importantly, I've learned to follow my heart. That's my favorite lesson of all.

To wrap this up, here is a beautiful picture of my favorite building on UT's campus, Ayres.

Thank you, UT, for making me a different person. It's okay to let college change you.
xoxo, Liv

october woes

The month of October has thrown me just about every curve ball imaginable, and it's only 10 days in. If the rest of the month doesn't improve, I'm not so sure I can make it. I suppose it's natural for every college-aged human being to be extra stressed around midterms time, but I feel like life is handing it to me full force.

I'm still not making friends. I don't know if I got sprayed with human repellent at birth, or if I smell weird, or if I'm ugly, but people don't acknowledge me. I go through my classes without social interaction. People have their friends and I'm just not included in that. Don't get me wrong, I have made a FEW friends, but they aren't in my classes. And it is SO hard to step foot in a classroom and feel like you're in complete isolation, yet surrounded by people who aren't. I would bet money that 90% don't even know my name. Or that I exist. In a world like UT, it's hard.

I'm still hating my major. Well, technically my major got changed, but I'm still taking the same classes for the old one. My test scores are much improved, but I feel like I'm still wasting time. I have no desire to complete the tasks that I'm given. I'm only doing things to get the grade, rather than soak up the information.

The cherry on top of my entire sundae though, is my roommate. I should've listened to everyone when they said, "You'll regret rooming with your best friend." and "Every little thing she does will start to bother you." No freaking joke. There are major issues in that department, but I'm not going to go into detail. The part about the issues that bothers me, is it's ALL my fault. Apparently I'm just so hard to live with and I make peoples' lives miserable. Who knew that good intentions could turn out oh so badly? I know how to own up to my actions and admit my wrongdoings, but I also know that everything is not my fault. And that you can't accomplish anything if you aren't open with each other. There are so many issues at hand, and my stick is only going to get shorter when she moves out. Yes, it's one of those stories where one of the roomies packs her bags. I'm slightly bitter about it because I didn't have to live where I am now. I could have lived with honors kids in the living and learning community, but I didn't because a certain someone wanted to room with me. So I kept MY end of the bargain, but it doesn't matter to the other party. They can do them and not thing a single thing about the repercussions on someone who was their supposed best friend. The moral of that story is, 'You live and you learn' but I hate that I'm having to learn this way.

I'm so so so discouraged and at the point of giving up moreso than I've ever been. Emotional breakdowns are a frequent for me, and I feel so alone. I know that it won't be like this forever, and that everything will straighten itself out, but right now I feel like nothing is in my favor. All of my sticks are short, and pretty soon they'll be non-existent. I'm ready for things to look up. I wish I had a good solution for the college life I'm trying to live, but I don't.

I think I'm done venting, but sometimes it helps to get thoughts out in a way other than texts or tears.

xoxo, Liv

social media cleanse

This will be short, but worthy.

Right now my life is so scattered and out of whack. Everywhere I turn I have exams, assignments due, a room to clean, and people to please. Instead of being productive all of the time, I spend a great deal of my time on social media. So, it's time for a social media cleanse.

Yes, I know blogging is kind of social media, but I'm going to stretch it because: 

A) writing is good for the soul, and 

B) nobody reads this thing anyways so it isn't like I'm interacting with people. 

I've never done a cleanse like this before, but I feel like it will benefit me more than any other cleanse I could do. I hope to focus in on studying, classes, and actually utilizing my time, whether it be for sleep or work. I'm going to do this for two weeks to see where I end up. I'm really determined to not give in early, and I think the outcome is going to be a huge help to me and the way I feel about college life in general. 

So, wish me luck, y'all! This is an adventure I'm not so sure I'm ready to tackle. 

xoxo, Liv

passion is greater

College. That one, miniscule word scares the absolute daylights out of me.

It's been months since I've blogged. It's been about a month since I've been in my new world. Something's gotta change though, so I'm going to try to visit this on a more regular basis. It's such a fantastic outlet for thoughts and feelings that have been building upon each other to the point where my insides probably look like the house of a hoarder. We'll say I'm a thought hoarder.

As of today, my major is Nuclear Engineering. As of today, I've also decided that it will not be my major for much longer. Engineering is NOT for me. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that I've wasted a semester in something that's making me so miserable. It isn't because I can't handle it; I'm a smart cookie. But I can't stand it. Doing math everyday is not my thing. 

The people in engineering are not like me. One of my biggest struggles so far has been that I haven't really made many friends. It isn't because I'm an antisocial freak or a wallflower or anything of the sort. I truly believe its because of my major. I just don't click with anything in that department. It's not my calling. It's certainly not what I'm meant to spend the rest of my life doing. 

My conclusion is that I have to change my major. I have a passion for words. I have a passion for great literature. I have a passion for the Middle East. It's a little strange how I had to come about my passion by realizing what WASN'T my passion, but I'm glad I got there. I just took the scenic route. I really want to be an English major. I know that jobs aren't overflowing in that department, especially well paying ones, but it will make me happy. And regardless of the amount of money I have in my bank account, if I'm miserable every day it isn't worth it. I would love to teach at a collegiate or upper high school level. I want to be able to share my passion with people who have the potential to be changed by it. Eventually I would love to follow in the footsteps of one of my great role models and create a curriculum for a special class that emphasizes something I'm super passionate about. I want to teach something along the lines of Middle Eastern studies or middle eastern literature. The Middle East fascinates me so much and I would love to open that realm for people who could potentially share my fascination. 

I've pretty much gone from one end of the job spectrum to the other in less than a month. I feel like maybe I'm insane or confused or insanely confused, but at least I can be happy. I just have to get through this semester of engineering classes. It's really hard for me and I wish there was an easy way out now rather than having to wait, but there's not. Oh well. 

You live and you learn. And if I've learned one thing, it's this: do what YOU want and not what everyone else wants you to do. Go with your gut feeling and embrace your passion. If you don't embrace that passion, then who will? How many people are missing out on the opportunity to learn something great because the person who was passionate about it chose money instead? Or was too afraid that they would never succeed? I'm glad that I came to that realization. Hopefully all the pieces of my jigsaw puzzle of life will fall into place, and everyone else's will too. 

Happy college, y'all! 

xoxo, Liv 

three months

My boyfriend is the sweetest, meanest individual alive.

Why, you may ask? Well, let me tell you... Saturday, the 13th, was mine and Patrick's three months. Patrick usually comes home like...every weekend, and I assumed this weekend was no different. Boy, I was wrong. Sort of. He tricked me into believing that he was going dirt bike riding with his friend and her family instead of coming home. I was PISSED, y'all. Like, beyond mad. It was bad.

I get really mean when I'm angry, whether I mean to or not. I wasn't mean to him in a sense of telling him how awful he was or that I hated him or anything, but I was very careful in my words. The few words I DID say, including my lack of words, probably made him feel worse than I felt. And I really regret that now.

He plotted together with 4 of my closest friends, and my mom, so nobody would make plans with me. My mom told me that her and I were going out to dinner and then shopping after work. I walk in my house and I talk to her and she kept encouraging me to go change my clothes. I walked in my room, and Patrick was sitting there and he said, "Happy three months." I almost pissed myself and said a few choice words. I did not expect him there. He then took me out and we had an amazing night :)

The moral of this story is that Patrick is still the most amazing guy ever. The little things he does for me are incredible. He lied to me and stuck through me being mega-bitch all to see a huge smile on my face. And it was totally worth it. He is absolutely perfect. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend in my life.

I am the luckiest girl alive. :)

xoxo, Liv